Side Effects

So it’s been nearly two weeks since I last smoked a cigarette and my body is feeling the burn! I have attempted to be pretty positive around here, focusing on the goals and rewards that Kabuki and I set out and patting myself on the back while ignoring the fact that my head hurts, I am cranky and sleepy, my stomach is bloated and I can’t sleep for shit.

While I think it is really important to focus on the good stuff, the reasons for quitting and staying quit, I also think it is worth it to acknowledge the pain of the transition—if only to further remind myself what a hard task I am taking on and what a rockstar I am for doing it. And also because I need to vent about it.

Quitting does a number on a body, especially cold turkey. My head hurts every day and I am really tired all of the time, even when I do sleep a full night. I guess cutting out my only real stimulant has an effect on me. Strangely, though, I also have sleep troubles, waking in the middle of the night and finding myself unable to fall asleep again. Which doesn’t help with the headaches, let me tell you.

Then I have digestive issues: either I can’t go to the bathroom or I can’t stop. I’m bloated and feel like the ugliest lump on the planet. It’s like I have my period all the time. Wait. I guess that’s too much information. Moving on, then.

Kabuki has reported, and I have to say that I have noticed this too, some pain in the breasts. Too much information again? Sorry. Um…I am breaking out a bit, but I think that’s because I am eating more baked goods than usual. Mmmm, nothing cuts a nic-fit like some old fashioned plain doughnuts from Timmy Ho’s!

*Ahem*

I feel a bit sick, too, but not as much so as the last time I quit, two years ago. That time I coughed up nasty coloured substances for about three weeks straight before I finally took a deep breath and enjoyed it. This time I am just a bit stuffed up and am clearing my throat a bit at night before bed. And already most of that has actually passed.

In better news, Michka tells me I snore less. And although I have been eating more baked goods, I haven’t noticed myself eating uncontrollably; I am actually able to curb cravings and tend to eat when I am actually hungry. I hope that means I won’t have to put on the extra few pounds I usually put on when quitting. I’m about as heavy as I want to be.

Also, I know that the sickness, the sleeplessness, even the irritability are my body’s way of working out the addiction. It’s healing itself, which is a painful and slow process. Kinda like the economy or something. But it will get better right? My body, I mean. The economy has gone to shit. That’s why I play Cash For Life.

I’ve already won $34 in the last two weeks! Yeehaw.